Speaking hard truths
Growing up my parents often believed they were sheltering and protecting me by not telling me the truth about difficult situations. Even today as an adult I still feel that they often don’t tell me the entire truth so as not to worry or upset me.
Now that I am a parent I understand the difficulty of sharing hard truths with my children yet I know that I am doing my children a disservice if I chose to push the difficult conversations under the rug. Children are intuitive by nature and closely connected to source energy. When we lie or selectively omit the truth they can feel that and internalize it. It may also cause them to question their own intuitive nature.
When life throws us hard truths we want to be open with our children in an age appropriate way. As adults we have to ask ourselves if the omission of the truth is more about making ourselves feel comfortable rather than protecting our children. When we are truthful by speaking to our children age appropriately about difficult situations we leave the dialogue open for them to ask questions and model the importance of speaking truth even when it’s not always easy.
Below are some pointers on broaching difficult topics with your children.
Create a safe space to talk. Say “I know these topics are hard to talk about and I want you to always ."
Be sensitive to children’s emotions. You can start by acknowledging how the situation makes you feel. and ask your child, "What are you feeling right now?"
Reassure with both words and gestures. Say, "Our Family is safe” Hugs and snuggling go a long way too!
Acknowledge feelings – yours and theirs. Say, "It's OK to feel angry or confused. Those feelings are natural and we all feel them.
KISS: Break down issues to their simplest terms. For example, For hate crimes, say, "There are groups of people that are not treated fairly or equally. For death - “Nana died. She is not coming back.”
Reassure that someone is in charge. Say, "Mommy and Daddy (or your grown-up) is protecting our family.
Find out what they know. For older children you will want to find out what they’ve already heard. Be simple and direct in your answers and try to stay away from too much details.
Look for positives. Like Mr Rogers reminds said when we see or read something scary in the news “we can look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
