Practice healthy communication

Healthy communication with our children and students is a pillar for healthy relationships.  When speaking about trust and honesty with children it’s important to explain the difference between the truth and being brutally honest.  Young children have a knack for being unfiltered and saying whatever is on their mind.  I can remember  when my girls were younger and we were at the airport, my youngest (must have been 4 years old at the time)  looked at an older gentleman and said quite loudly - “Wow, Mommy - look how old that man is.  He is so old!”  Eek - I was mortified!

We want to instill the practice of both Satya (Truthfulness) and Ahimsa (Non-Violence in actions and words).   For example, even if my daughter did not have fun at her friend’s birthday and thought it was boring I don’t want her to announce “Your birthday party was boring and I did not have fun!”  Balancing honesty with compassion is a skill we can aim to start teaching in the early years.

I’ve found using the 3 gates method an effective way to teach the importance of balancing Satya (truth)  with Ahimsa. (Non-Violence)  Before speaking we ask ourselves the following 3 questions.

• Is it true?

• Is it kind?

• Is it necessary?

If the answers to the 3 gates are all yes then go ahead and speak what’s on your mind.  However, if the answers to the 3 gates remain uncertain it may be best to speak with a grown-up first and explain the situation before speaking it to others.   This method teaches kids that even if something is true if it is also unkind and unnecessary we may want to refrain from saying it or speak to a safe adult first about the thoughts and feelings you are having before sharing it with others.