Learn to practice patience

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”

— Anonymous

This quote speaks volumes as it can be hard to stay positive when you are feeling impatient. Imagine yourself on the phone, and your child absolutely needs to speak with you right this instant. How do you respond? It’s easy to lose our cool, and when we do so, we limit our child’s ability to exhibit self-control.

As adults, we also need to cultivate patience in order to guide our kids towards honing this skill. Cultivating patience is a skill that needs to be nurtured over time. Children that grow up with a patient disposition are shown to have stronger relationship skills and better overall mental health.

Here we outline 5 tips that you and your child can do together to help practice and cultivate patience.

1. Practice Meditation: Meditation enables us to let go of the sense of impatience and help to develop increased self-awareness. With your child, find a comfortable seat and close your eyes. Begin there and take a conscious breath in and out. Then repeat in your mind I am calm. I am safe. I am grounded. When repeating these mantras in a meditative seat, it can help to tap into them in a time where you’re feeling impatient (traffic, anyone?). In those times repeat to yourself again, I am calm. I am safe. I am grounded. Use this as a cue for your child too! When they are feeling impatient or exhibiting signs of impatience, ask them to repeat the mantra.

2. Using the Breath: The simple act of taking a breath in and then a breath out can help slow down the body, reset the nervous system, and guide you to a more patient disposition. With your child, take a breath in and out, and then lengthen your breath from one second on the inhale and one second on the exhale. Increase the length of the inhale and the length of the exhale to 4 seconds gradually. Notice how you feel. Ask your child how it feels in their body, and discuss how slowing down your breath can help us to slow down our body and our mind.

3. Balancing Postures: Have you ever been in a yoga class and been guided through a balancing posture such as Dancer pose and you can barely lift your leg to catch the balance? It’s easy to get frustrated especially when we’ve been able to balance before. I always like to remind myself to “embrace the wobble.” What’s wobbly or imbalanced in my body can translate to what feels imbalanced, or “wobbly,” in my life. Balancing postures help us to cultivate patience as we must be kind to our bodies. With your child, practice balancing on one foot, and then the other! Work your way to more challenging asanas such as Crow pose.

4. Repeated Practice: They say that “practice makes perfect;” but, let’s change that to “practice makes patience.” When you look at an athlete, have you ever asked yourself how they got so good? Even if they are an innately talented athlete, honing their skills over time takes patience and practice! I was recently at a soccer practice watching a group of children with their coach. The coach had them do repeated drills and kept reminding them that he was not going to move onto the next skill until 75% of the group mastered the previous skill. I watched as this group of 9-year-old children cultivated grit and perseverance in order to master these skills. What type of skills can you or your child hone in on? Maybe its piano, study skills, or the practice of yoga.

5. Play a Game: When in doubt, play a game to help pass the time! Games like Eye Spy are great because they serve as a distraction from when you’re feeling impatient. The next time you’re at a restaurant waiting for a table, or in line at the grocery store, play a game of Eye Spy. You can change it up by searching for objects by color, shape, or by using descriptive language.

Raising a resilient child

Raising a Resilient Child

In this month’s Bean Spot, we have been focusing on the value of resilience and what that means in relation to children. Resilience is the power to “bounce back” when you’ve experienced disappointment. We break down resilience in what resilience is, why raising a resilient child is important, and how adults and caregivers can foster resilience in children.

What is Resilience?

Resilience can help us break through and overcome obstacles. Resilience is built over time through our experiences and is the ability to cope with whatever life throws at you. A resilient child can acknowledge a situation, learn from their mistakes, and cultivate the grit to move forward. Resilience gives children the strength to process obstacles and overcome hardship.

Why is raising a resilient child important?

Children who develop resilience can not only pull through when they have a setback but can look at their setbacks as opportunities for growth. This opportunity for growth helps children move forward through the obstacle they are facing. Resilience grows as children are faced with each new challenge.

How can you foster and build resilience in children?

Resilience can grow over time, as children (or adults!) face obstacles. One place to start in helping your child build resilience is by providing reassurance when faced with a challenge.

My daughter practices piano, and if she is practicing a challenging or a hard piece, she can get really frustrated and stop what she’s doing. I know that she wants to stop but what she needs is to build the resilience to move forward. As her parent, I know that she can overcome this obstacle, but it’s giving her the tools to grow and challenge herself. I acknowledge her feeling and validate her emotions.

Then, to help our children cultivate resilience, we can start by asking our children how we can reframe our emotion. When we have an emotion that doesn’t feel good (frustration) it’s important for us as parents to hold space for that frustration. We can help our children practice thought awareness and acknowledge if the setback is surrounded by negative or positive thoughts. We can then begin to teach them to listen to how they talk to themselves when they feel frustrated. They can restructure their thought process when faced with a negative situation or bad event.  We can help them cultivate a growth mindset by acknowledging that right nowit feels challenging or hard. You’re not there yet and that’s okay.