Bridge to empathy
The world feels more divisive than ever before. Perhaps it’s partly because...
I want to start off by saying I don’t have the answer for this. It’s something I think about and struggle with so I thought I'd share here on The Bean Spot.
The world feels more divisive than ever before. Perhaps it’s partly because we have access to everyone’s thoughts and opinions via social media and the internet. When I see someone post something that I steadfastly disagree with (eg: Something political or socially driven) my first response is to get angry and call that person some cruel name and remind myself how ignorant and stupid they are and how much better I am than them. It’s really hard for me to let anything other than that in my purview. I have a hard time making space or empathizing with how they came to their decision.
These feelings of superiority and hate are not ones I wish to foster, however, it’s really hard for me to empathize or find compassion for people when I feel their opinions are wrong and steeped in hate and ignorance. When I find myself feeling this way, I remember an Anthony Bourdain quote I once read.
“There is something humanizing about putting aside differences, if only for a moment, to discuss how good biscuits taste.”
He spoke about forming a bond with people who share widely different values because they were able to find commonalities in enjoying food and drink. This is something I strive to work on because I know in order for society to move toward betterment, love, unity and fairness we need to be able to sit with those whose opinions differ and try to find a bridge where empathy can cross.
For the past 2 years our children have gone to school wearing masks. Wherever you stand on the debate of if masks should or should not be worn we are now at a crossroads where mask guidelines have changed and many children will soon be allowed to go to school mask-free.
As a mother I am hopefully optimistic and look forward to my kids going returning to a sense of normalcy at school. However, at the same time I know there are going to be children that continue to wear their masks and it’s my responsibility as a parent to remind my daughters that we don’t judge anyone for this specific choice. I’ve been speaking with them about not judging other students for their choice and understanding makes their own choices based on their comfort level and what works for them.
Perspective leads to empathy
Foster empathy by teaching to see situations from other peoples’ perspectives
One practice towards fostering empathy in my students and my own children is to encourage them to see situations from other peoples’ perspectives. Even if something has not happened to them directly I want them to understand that it still matters. One way I try to teach this is by using a story and asking them to see the story from the other person’s perspective.
My favorite example is the story of Goldilocks and the 3 bears. This classic story is told from Goldilocks point of view, however, what if ask children to consider how the Bears felt about someone coming into their home uninvited, eating their breakfast, breaking their chairs and sleeping in their beds! Looking at the story from this angle we find more empathy for the Bears because we can relate to what it would be like if someone did that in our home.
The same approach can be used when we are talking with children about real world circumstances that may not directly affect them, yet, we want them to cultivate a feeling of empathy towards those that are touched by a certain situation. Recently both my daughters had birthdays and we spoke about donating a gift to an organization called Birthday Wishes. Birthday Wishes collects gifts and toys and then distributes them to children who may not otherwise have a birthday celebration. For many young children giving away a toy they just received is not an easy ask and this is understandable. However, if we can tell them the story from the other child’s point of view (eg: “can you imagine what it would feel like to not have a birthday celebration and not receive any presents) we can open up a dialogue and hopefully create more empathy and understanding for the other person’’s circumstance.
Laying the foundation for empathy
Empathy - a character trait that all parents want to instill in their children
Empathy - it’s a character trait that all parents want to instill in their children. The exact definition of empathy is “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” For a young child this can be a difficult concept to grasp.
As a parent I can wholeheartedly say it’s not always easy to stay calm during the midst of a child’s meltdown however, when I see my daughters or students struggling and in turn, acting out, I remind myself to pause and acknowledge their feelings before doing anything.
Right now my youngest is working on breaking the habit of sucking her thumb. Breaking any habit is hard, especially one you’ve had since utero! There is a mind-body connection associated with thumb sucking and breaking this habit is bringing up a lot of feelings for her that result in anxiety, clinginess, and big (really big) outburts! I make a point to remind her often that I know breaking habits is so hard and the feelings she is having are normal - and I have them too (specific to anxiety - not thumb sucking) We talk about the feelings we have in our tummy (we call them Tummy Bubbles) and think of ways we can pop the bubbles together. Validating her feelings and showing her that I see her, and hear her, even amongst her outbursts, are ways I can lay the groundwork for her to practice empathy with others.
As the saying goes,,children don’t listen to what we say they listen to what we do. It makes sense then that the most effective way to nurture empathy within our children is to practice it ourselves, especially when it comes to navigating our children’s “Big” feelings.